And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
