make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
