Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
