We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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