i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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