By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
