I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
