Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
