dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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