He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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