When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
