i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
