you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
