I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
