I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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