3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
