the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
