Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
