I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
