I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
