If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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