im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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