just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
