she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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