if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
