dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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