Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
