i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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