The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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