Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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