i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
