Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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