just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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