5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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