The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
and you fell through a lawn chair
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
