i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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