You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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