Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got inside last night via doggy door
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
