3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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