I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
