We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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