so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Randomize
