you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
