If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
