Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
