Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
