if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
