my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
