I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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