I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
