thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
