I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We need a shit load of segways right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
