Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
