She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
