I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
cat food counts as protein by the way
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
