if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
