I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
