I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
