chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
home. puking in laundry basket.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
